Five steps towards resilience

Resilience is such a big word: it’s very popular in corporate environments, but for a long time, I didn’t even know exactly what it actually is and how it can be achieved.

My name is Minie, and I want to share five simple steps I’ve learned to become resilient.

Once I turned 40, I was finally “settling” into some solid goals for my future; you know, the classic “Where do you see yourself in five years?” (God, I hate that question!).

Well, I was trying to have a baby, and I started my Honours degree in Entrepreneurship at UTS to work on my startup idea and make it profitable.

It was going so well. I was pregnant, and working on my MVP (minimum viable product). I wanted to launch an online course first, then an app. I was even getting validation for my business idea (Female Entrepreneur of the Year at UTS Startups Awards 2022, Finalist at 3P IBIS Competition).

I knew exactly where I was going, until…bam.

They diagnosed my baby with a rare syndrome. “She will never be independent, and from now on, your journey will involve many regular therapies, frequent hospital visits, and disability support for the rest of her life.” This is what they told me three days before Christmas.

At her bedside, in that small room of the children’s hospital ward, I realised that my startup was gone for good. Yet again, another thing in my life that I wouldn’t accomplish.

It has been a very rough journey so far, but the following work that I did on my mindset helped me survive it all and somehow even thrive in adverse times.

^{Minie Minarelli giving a Lunch and Learn at UTS Startups @ Central on being a special needs influencer.}

Step 1: Affirm your worth.

Whether you didn’t get the job you applied for, or your business went bankrupt, failing at something doesn’t define you as a failure.

We get bombarded since childhood with the idea that there’s a linear correlation between efforts and results; unfortunately, that’s not always true.

Sometimes, you will fall even if you have run miles in the past; sometimes, despite all your work, there will be setbacks.

This is normal, and it doesn’t diminish the intrinsic value of what you have achieved in the past. It does not intact your worth.

Step 2: Create your own shield of strengths.

Sometimes, we are so focused on our weaknesses, on what we miss, that we don’t realise our strengths!

I viscerally hate when people tell me that I’m strong and that I will surely overcome my problems. That’s so annoying!

Most of my days, I deal with issues that I wasn’t prepared for and that I have no idea how to fix. I’m definitely not strong enough.

But I have a great sense of humour, and even if it would be inconceivable to deal with complex medical problems with irony and funny faces, that’s how I cope with problems. And you know what? It works.

Grab any resources you can get, any past experiences that taught you something, any strengths you have, any quirks that give you confidence and use those to create your personal shield. You’ll often find that these skills are much more helpful than you could possibly imagine.

Step 3: In dark moments, don’t look for the sun, but for the silver lining.

When I realised that I would never create the business I wanted, I pivoted, and started applying the business skills that I would have used with my initial idea. That’s how I got my first brand collaboration as a special needs influencer. When I broke my night mouthguard, I contacted the brand I wanted and pitched the idea of promoting their product on my social media channels. Crazy, uh? Well, fast forward a couple of email exchanges, and I not only got two mouthguards (which I love!) for free and a paid collaboration.

When you struggle with a situation, don’t dream about fixing it completely. Start working with what you have, and see opportunities in the smallest, craziest things surrounding you.

Like my Nonna would say: if you break something, don’t buy a new one, fix the one you already have!

Step 4: Ask for help.

I bet that you’ve heard this so many times, and every time you are still anxious about it every time.

This is because you’re afraid of judgment; well, you shouldn’t.

Whether it’s a prospective client or a friend, if you need help, just ask for help; if you want to offer something, go and pitch your offer. Don’t overthink it!

People don’t relate to perfect. They relate to real, and if you approach them honestly and authentically, they will be open to listening without preconceptions.

They can always say no if they want to, but maybe they want to say yes if you explain to them why and how you need them.

Step 5: Keep fighting.

Resilience is different from patience. You don’t have to be patient and force your personality into something you are not.

Try to change what you can change. Unfortunately, you don’t always have much control over what you cannot change, unfortunately; but this doesn’t mean that you need to watch what happens around you passively.

Resilience is a combination of acceptance and proactivity: accept that life sometimes goes the opposite of what you wanted, but also guide your efforts to make the most of what you have.

It’s not as easy as it sounds, at the beginning, but the good thing is that resilience is a skill that we can learn, at any age.

Too often, we are taught that being strong and grounded like big oaks is the best thing.

I prefer to be like jasmine, a plant that doesn’t need much soil to flourish and that will mould itself to the environment around it: if there are big walls and huge plants around, jasmine will grow on them; if they cut some of its branches, jasmine will be able to grow stronger on other sprouts without losing its structural balance; it can be a climber, but it can also be a great ground cover if there’s nothing to climb on.

Be flexible and keep growing.

I wish that your journey with resilience will help you build the confidence of knowing that, despite all the bumps on your road, you will also have plenty of opportunities to show your unique light to the world.

It all starts with one step! If you want to join a community of supportive entrepreneurial minds, apply for UTS Startups.