Looking after yourself when packing up a parent's home

 

So Mum or Dad has died, or moved to aged care, and now you’ve got to pack up their house. It’s a huge job and you’re dreading it.

It’s normal to feel grief, loss, guilt, exhaustion or even resentment at being left with this job.

So how can you look after your mental health while tackling the task?

It’s OK to feel a lot of feelings

Research has documented how this task can exert an intense physical and emotional toll.

This can be more intense for those who had strained – or even traumatic – relationships with the person whose house they’re packing up.

Decisions around distributing or discarding items can, in some families, bring up painful reminders of the past or end up replaying strained dynamics.

Family members who were carers for the deceased may feel exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout or a sense of injustice they must now continue to be responsible for their loved one’s affairs. Grief can be compounded by the practical challenges of deciding how to store or discard belongings, arrange the funeral, execute the will, deal with the aged care place or, in some cases, navigate legal disputes.

But packing up the house may also be cathartic or helpful. Research has shown how the task of cleaning out a loved one’s belongings can provide an opportunity for family and friends to talk, share memories, and make sense of what has just happened.

It’s also normal to grieve before someone dies. What psychologists call “anticipatory grief” can happen to relatives packing up the house of a parent who has moved to aged care or palliative care.

You can read the full article here: Looking after yourself when packing up a parent's home.